Our Story
Let me set the scene: It’s 2023, I’m 22, fresh out of college, and my LinkedIn says “Recent Grad” with a major that basically translates to “I can write essays about why coffee is good.” My friends? They’re out here nailing internships, wearing blazers, and saying things like “synergy” unironically. Me? I’m covered in cactus spines, living in a shed, and arguing with a succulent that thinks it’s too good for its pot.
Let me set the scene: It’s 2023, I’m 22, fresh out of college, and my LinkedIn says “Recent Grad” with a major that basically translates to “I can write essays about why coffee is good.” My friends? They’re out here nailing internships, wearing blazers, and saying things like “synergy” unironically. Me? I’m covered in cactus spines, living in a shed, and arguing with a succulent that thinks it’s too good for its pot.
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How’d I get here? Let’s blame my dad. For 30 years, he ran “Green Thumb & Thorns,” a cactus farm in the middle of nowhere that’s 70% dust, 25% prickles, and 5% his stubborn belief that “cacti are the future.” Then, one day, he looked at me and said, “Son, I’m taking your mom home to retire—no more dirt, no more thorns, just bingo and iced tea. These cacti? They’re all yours now. Don’t worry, they love you.” Spoiler: They do not love me. They’ve stabbed me in the hand, the foot, and once, through my sock (rude).
My “office” is a metal shed that turns into a sauna by 9 AM. My “team” is a stray cat named Prickle (she’s useless, but she judges me less than the cacti). My “salary”? Let’s just say I’ve eaten more instant noodles this month than I did in 4 years of college. Last week .
I tried to sell a 3-foot saguaro to a family at the farmers’ market. Their kid pointed at it and said, “Mom, that plant looks angry.” I said, “Kid, same.” They left.
I’ve learned things they don’t teach you in college. Like: Never water a cactus after 5 PM (they get moody).
I tried to sell a 3-foot saguaro to a family at the farmers’ market. Their kid pointed at it and said, “Mom, that plant looks angry.” I said, “Kid, same.” They left.
I’ve learned things they don’t teach you in college. Like: Never water a cactus after 5 PM (they get moody).
Never laugh at a barrel cactus—they hold grudges. And never, never try to move a 50-pound prickly pear by yourself. I still have a scar that looks like a constellation.
Never laugh at a barrel cactus—they hold grudges. And never, never try to move a 50-pound prickly pear by yourself. I still have a scar that looks like a constellation.